Die empty

Die Empty

Todd Henry

It's all about living a purposeful life. It's about daily applying in a non-church sense; be ing worthy to receive , understand an act upon promptings to guide your daily life

“Embrace the importance of now, and refuse to allow the lull of comfort, fear, familiarity, and ego to prevent you from taking action on your ambitions…The cost of inaction is vast. Don’t go to your grave with your best work inside of you. Choose to die empty.”

Each day that we postpone difficult tasks and succumb to the clutter that chokes creativity, discipline, and innovation results in a net deficit to the world, our organizations, and ourselves.

My new book, “Die Empty,” is about cultivating the mind-set and the methods you need to unleash your best work each day, and to increase the odds that, at the end of your life, you will not regret how you spent your days. It lays out a set of core beliefs that will help you be more purposeful in how you approach your work. They are: 

You have a unique contribution to make to the world. 

  Humans, it seems , a re wired to find satisfaction by adding value through toil

   Emulate your super heroes - make a list of them - chose attributes that make you - you, not making you them   Wiling to ask counterintuitive questions not be creative 

  Establish code of ethics:

No one else can make your contribution for you.

   Find your voice

    Shadow pursuits  - are activities that capture our attention and give us a sense of accomplishment , but serve as a substitute for the real work

   Plan for experimentation 

   Something you experience may cause a flash of intuition but this burst of insight will quickly fade if you do nothing with it

Your contribution is not about you. Cultivate a love for the process.

  Be confidently adaptable 

   Cultivate wisdom instead of establishing a rule

   Build a specific practice of generosity 

   What can I offer - not what can I get - encourage and recognize others: write a note, make a call

    Stay connected

Avoid comfort. It is dangerous. 

   Satisficing (Herbert a Simon)  - compromising to settle for the best available option that meets most of our requirements - clogs your inner workings

Take a stand. Don’t shape-shift. 

  If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today - Steve jobs

  Act with urgency and diligence - address the issues you've been delaying

Your understanding of your “sweet spot” develops over time like film in a darkroom. . 

   You have to try different things, and devote yourself to developing your skills and intuition , before you will begin to see noticeable patterns and understand your unique value. Patience is required.

You must plant seeds today for a harvest alter. 

Define Your Battles: 

   Compassionate anger-creates in you an urgency to act

    Hope and aspiration

     Action defines reality and potential is nothing but unproven hypothetical value.

Be Fiercely Curious

    Entertainment vs engagement - which are you

    "What the net seems to be doing  is chipping away my capacity for concentration and contemplation" Nicholas Carr 

       Need commitment to the discovery process.  - keep a list of questions

       - keep a commonplace book of quotes, ideas, themes

       - keep a list of books to read ( leave time at the end of a read to synthesize what you've read 

      - need a sacred place   - your place to escape , think, pursue your deeper questions and stoke the fire of your curiosity

    - commit to asking better questions, don't settle, stay mentally active 

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone:

    Let your actions define you, not your words

    How would you act tomorrow if you knew that one day would be a permanent testament to your life

    Walk into dark rooms - fear of harm, identity protection,love of stability, ego  - enter and turn on the lights, sometimes turn off and immediately exit, won't discover if dont enter

      We reward those who draw maps , not those who follow them

      Set some goals

Live empty

Daily checkpoints - effectiveness not efficiency 

E - focus on your ethics

M - focus on your mission - what will change, what's missing, what needs to be dropped

P - focus on people - who, close loops,serve

T - focus on your tasks - priorities, projects,

Y - focus on you

Purpose found through action not contemplation

Don't worry about being great in the eyes of others, focus on excelling on your work. ( how many great people can you name - maybe one hundred )

Discover the courage to begin taking small, daily risks and force self out of comfort zone

Home is where the heart is

Our hearts really landed in naperville
What attracted our hearts while there:
Growth - our children had wonderful opportunites
    Blair & Julie were only a short 2hrs 18 min away - easy grandchildren time, party time, get together time
     Brigham - had summer employment and lived in hyde park, always had a friend to visit, easy plane connections
    Evan - served a full- time mission in the chicago south mission - thanks to a visionary stake president, mission president , and companions; served in the bishop storehouse , temple; great inclusion by the single adult ward & institute
   Parker-graduated from north h.s.; had the lead in the HS musical - pirate of penzance; worked at lowes; served his mission in Paraguay and launched at byu from there
   Mackenzie - graduated from north; conquered Chinese ; varsity & club volleyball ; YW award twice earned; tutored extensively and launched to byu as well
  Rindy - made a house a home, made a home a show piece; did the cycle plus one in teaching seminary; found a plethora of meaningful and deep friends; took the market by the horns and won

Cousins -  first Robert & Laura, then Michael & Marie, then Lindsay & Josh - nothing more fun than the cousins gathering for - scones, dessert, dinner, a parade, a party, a holiday; great people, wonderful little kids always a good time

Visitors - Chicago is the crossroads of America. Rarely in Minnesota did anyone stop by- but in Chicago, our naperville they all stopped by. 10 out of 12 months for 6 years we had visitors- family, friends, acquaintances. The door was always open, a bed always available - and people came

Naperville first - we have been blessed with some incredible wards - Mpls 4 th Roy 3rd plymouth 1, medicine lake - N 1 was as wonderful, if not more so than any. Quickly we were assimilated, quickly we had deep friends, quickly we were able to serve. We learned and were taught by some incredible people.

Orphans - we both became orphans in naperville. Enough said - we healed thanks to the friends of N1

Naperville - we lived blocks away from the parades, block away from downtown , blocks away from the library, blocks away from the river walk, blocks away from the middle and high school, blocks away from outdoor summer concerts, blocks away from great restaurants. Naperville was a safe haven - under the viaduct and all was good.

We never predicted moving to illinois and once there thought we would retire there. Did not foresee our career taking us to Florida. But . . . Life happens and we moved. Home is where the heart is. And though its just the two of us that is where the heart is.

Reflections on Mom

I posted the kids and thought I should add mine:

The Mothers I've known

Many have been constrained

By time, reason, or their own minds

To pass through life with but one mother

But me I have loved myriad

A young one I knew sprained her ankle

Quickly the rumor rampant was

They shoot lame horse and mothers

Though she never was ‘lame’

The UnAaronic mother and I

Had our outings

Made mini- loafs of bread with me

When I was too young to participate as I felt I should

The sporting mother showed many faces

I had a softball game that night, and

With no one else around she came

Warmed me up because I needed practice

That same softball fanatic mother

Drove multiple times to SLC with the team

One rule – no Unh, Unh, Unh music on the ride

What taste – I guess she wasn’t the music mother

The snurfer, that little snow surfing ski

Yes, another of her sports

She gamely tried it on the hill in back

Face plants, caressed in white, she looked divine

One mother named Hiawatha

Sloppy, floppy hat with paddle in hand

The 4^th on the St. Croix

With a handsome date at stern

The sporting mother so closely relates the gaming mother

In zeal, competitiveness and love of the chase

The three hand master, the card counter

She won, she laughed, and she won again without mercy

Scrabble, Quinto, Backgammon

Twixt, Quiddler, Crazy Kings

Othello, Five Straight, Rummicube

Master of all, loser at none – how fair is that

The English professor’s wife

Though he ruled the dictionary

In fact it was she who

Taught typing, corrected papers, typed themes

The funny girl mother

Laughed AT gifts of galvanized watering cans

Chortled at cardboard birthday cakes

And guffawed when others might have turned away

The movie star mother

Rode in limos with the stars

And forced others to watch Godzilla

So as not to have a deprived childhood

Was that mother the same Junie-Babe

The ‘tap-me’ in congratulations

The name sake of could it be, yes it was

A goose

The constant mother she was there

She graduated from Primary in 1966

And then from MIA in 1972

Hmmmm, so did I

The constant mother

The soft lap, the tender touch to sooth

After a long church day, a long school day, or work

Unfailing support when others were not

The constant mother –pillar of spirit

Bore testimony, supported a great man

Served as matron and advisor

Was sealed to me for eternity

Can mothers be girlfriends too

Oh surely she was and is

She wrote faithfully

With love never failing

The grandmother mother

Perhaps the finest of all

For she loves my own children without pause

And sees them as princely, and princessly, as do I

The crazy mother

Crazy socks, crazy cards, crazy kids

Crazy times, crazy hairdos, crazy fun

Oh, the mother wasn’t crazy it was I

Lastly there is the mother I love

My mother, Helen June Jackson Wilson

All of these mothers - everyone of which I have

Everyone of which I love

Reflections on a Grandmother

Reflections on Grandma Minnesota - which was how our children delineated between Rindy's Mom Bettie and my mom June.. I asked the kids to share their thoughts and determined that posting them might allow them, the memories to live longer. (if you want to edit let me know)

Mackey

One of my favorite memories of grandma is from when I was little like maybe ages 6-10. For some reason I'd be at grandma's for an extended period of time in the evening. No memory of anyone else being there so I guess you guys abandoned me for long periods of time as a child or something. Anyways, at these long nights grandma taught me how to play solitaire. First we started with just normal solitaire but each time this happened she changed what version of solitaire we'd play to make it a little harder. In retrospect, considering she's a gamer she was probably cheating and changing the rules but my mind didn't really gather that and it was still fun.

Most nights we watched the news but sometimes we'd watch Disney channel if I could build up the courage to ask to change the channel to 44. But since we mostly watched the news we saw a lot of weird stuff. I remember one night when something came on and the reporter mentioned the word "nude". I had to ask grandma what it meant and she explained it to me. And for some reason that's the night of solitaire I remember the most and it's not like I frequently forget the definition of nude so I don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me but whatever.

Mostly though we talked about whatever tragedies my young soul was going through at the time. Probably wasn't that deep, but she listened to me nonetheless. Sometimes I'd ask her about her life and she'd tell me stories. My favorite story she'd tell was about the time she burned her hands cooking with her sister. I remember seeing the marks on her hands that were still there years later and staring in wonder. Anyways, it's still one of my favorite stories. 

Parker

For me it is just how much I connect with grandma when it comes to our humor and 
how we see the world. My favorite memories are the classic car rides to lunch or 
dinner where we would just laugh with each other and I turned her "ghetto" once. 
My most favorite memory was how she embraces my personality. Greatest example 
is her and I dancing in the kitchen. She is always checking to make sure that 
everyone had what they needed. Even when we moved she would bring home leftovers 
for me. Whenever we were there she would always offer food or anything. She is 
the perfect example of service, charity, and of course the extreme competitive 
gene that we all have. 

I LOVE GMA!!!

Brigham

I've thought about spending summer days in the pool, stopping by their home all the time during high school - card games, orange slices, and ginger ale - calling grandma every day while walking home from college, quick rushed trips from Chicago up to WI up to MN and back every time I was in the Midwest for longer than a week. 

I thought of how no matter which of the three houses of theirs I visited, they were always home to me. I always felt comfortable to take off shoes, give a hug, open the fridge, and flop on the couch.

She has been one of my best friends. Always asking about my dating life, yet in a way that never ever made me uncomfortable. Just felt loved, thought of, and dreamed over.

Today I wondered about how after she dies, how she will see Grandpa, Jodean, her parents, siblings, and friends and be so happy. Then, after while they'll give her an update on all of her children and grandchildren. When she gets to me, I pictured her going, "He's working for who?! doing what?! where?!" And then being told who my wife would be, approving of her, and then rolling up her sleeves and saying, "allright, you three grandparents have had your time to hook him up, now let's all four do this together, it's about time!"

Blair

Favorite memories....I'm just gonna start writing and see where it goes

1. Most of my memories of grandma are from ages 12-18 when we (usually Dad and I) would stop by G&G's house after some activity (mutual, basketball, etc...). I don't have a great story, but I remember always feeling welcomed and at home.

2. X-mas was always a special time of year in Plymouth. Seeing grandma on Christmas day and swinging by her house was always a treat. I can still think of all the decorations and trains. I think she always loved xmas more than any other holiday.

3. I'm very glad June met June. I can still remember her disbelief that we actually named our daughter June and she thought that was silly. Kinda the same reaction with Dean's name. I think and I hope she enjoyed having someone named in her honor.

4. We spend so much time at Grandma's pool. Although, I don't think I ever saw her swim once...literally. She was always outside on the patio watching, talking, maybe even having a snack ready.

5. I remember going to brunch in Chicago with Grandma on Sunday. I loved that brunch. I loved being there with the family. And I love the example that set for family first.

Those are the top 5 that come to mind.

No Room In The Inn

Christmas is a wonderful season, full of delightful stories, and thoughts that inspire.
Most, if not all are derivative and don't start you pondering in a new way.
However, this past Sunday, while attending Blair and Julie's ward, their main speaker struck a chord with me, and gave me new thoughts to ponder. Probably old stuff to others but new to me.

He spoke of the phrase in the christmas story of "no room in the inn'; and how we normally consider that a bad thing. That people were insensitive to the mother of jesus and how lowly and miserable conditions were. We further probe the question of personal introspection - would we make room for the Christ child. That all still holds true and has a good feel to it.

This approach however takes the 180 look - the opposite point of view - that ' no room in the inn' was a good thing, for it meant
> a peaceful birth place, not a crowded to overflow capacity inn; full of noise, commotion, contention maybe
> a clean place, the inn would be too busy to be clean, while a manger could be cleaned up
> a private place, the inn would be shoulder to shoulder, the manger just rearrange the animals
> a visit able place- would the shepherds and the angels come visit and worship in a crowded inn. Or would the manger be more conducive for drop by visitors of humble sort.
> if the inn was simply the guest room in the relatives home, the above still would have held true

His birth most likely took place in the natural place for a peasant to be born—, the relatives had no room in the guest quarters, Bethlehem probably not even having something that qualified as an inn; back with the animals it was. That said, the context is probably different than tradition would have us think,but the question we should ask ourselves doesn't vary much - do we have room for Him? Will we accommodate Him in our lives?

Where can you find a Christmas miracle

Where can you find a good Christmas miracle these days?

Our son Evan like many a capital hiller takes the metro from Crystal City to the Capital South  metro station then wends his way to Congressman Roskum's office. It's part of his regular routine and normally is un eventful. This last Wednesday was different.

I received a call on the home phone, which I rarely answer, but looking at the caller ID it's a name instead of a company so I listen.  It's a guy calling from DC named Jonathon  who just got off the Metro.  Evan had gotten off the stop before this guy and had left his wallet on the floor behind his seat, Jonathon had found it.  When Ev got off the train, realizing that he had lost his wallet,  he turned around and proceeded to pound on the door to get back on, the train took off. Evan was freaking out but had the wherewith all to somehow not get hit by the train, get out of the station without his metro card,  and get to his office on capitol hill.  Our son Evan has Down Syndrome and was navigating his commute on his own. 

The wonderful people at his office sat him down, went over everything he had in wallet and began the process of trying to figure out what to do next. Meantime, Evan had his Illinois ID with our illinois address on it in the wallet. Jonathon found the card, then went online, reverse directoried our phone number and gave me a call.  What a kind and nice guy. Not only does he go the extra mile in locating us (Evan) but goes twain.  Jonathan  is in DC for a meeting and had a break around noon so he volunteers to walk to Roskum's office and give Evan the wallet.  One of the things he mentioned in meeting the people at Ev's office was how kind and caring they are about Ev.

Wonderful people all over the world
Angels both those seen and unseen watch over Evan.

Where are the miracles in DC this season?

Ev having the where wits  to not chase after a moving train and going to a familiar place for help.

Rep Roskum's wonderful staff who stand beside and support Evan.

A stranger named Jonathan who saw someone in need, interrupted his day and made a difference in the life of Evan.

If you are looking for a good christmas miracle this season, look no farther than the Capital South Metro.

attack yasmina khadra

I thoroughly enjoyed this painful book to read. One that challenges the comfort of not only dr Amin but of me as a reader. I kept waiting for the calming resolution - there was none. As in this conflict there appears to be none. One reads and ponders what could in fact heal the world.


" Dr Amin Jaafari is a Palestinian with Israeli citizenship. He is an incredibly successful surgeon, awarded numerous honours and living a seemingly idyllic life with his beloved wife, Sihem. They have a beautiful house, but no children. They have strong friendships with Israelis, absorbing a lifestyle that rejects a traditional approach; they’re not practising Muslims. Amin and Sihem are ostensibly the best examples of integration, and despite some tension in the hospital, Amin is blissfully unaware of differences. If we are to believe him, his wife is generally satisfied too.

Dr Amin Jaafari is a Palestinian with Israeli citizenship. He is an incredibly successful surgeon, awarded numerous honours and living a seemingly idyllic life with his beloved wife, Sihem. They have a beautiful house, but no children. They have strong friendships with Israelis, absorbing a lifestyle that rejects a traditional approach; they’re not practising Muslims. Amin and Sihem are ostensibly the best examples of integration, and despite some tension in the hospital, Amin is blissfully unaware of differences. If we are to believe him, his wife is generally satisfied too.

“They can take everything you own- your property, your best years, all your joys, all your good works, everything down to your last shirt- but you'll always have your dreams, so you can reinvent your stolen world.” 

“We’re not Islamists, Dr. Jaafari,” one man tells him. “And we’re not fundamentalists, either. We are only the children of a ravaged, despised people, fighting with whatever means we can to recover our homeland and our dignity.”

― Yasmina Khadra

Days of Honey. - Annia Ciezadlo

The Nytimes says -Ms. Ciezadlo is a seasoned young foreign correspondent — she reported from Baghdad for The Christian Science Monitor and from Beirut for The New Republic — who in “Day of Honey” turns her attention to Middle Eastern culinary traditions and to “the millions of small ways people cope” during wartime. Her book is among the least political, and most intimate and valuable, to have come out of the Iraq war.

It's a unique angle on ingesting war and the coping mechanisms built to go on. The food descriptions inspire one to open one's palate and core dinning s. the  dealing with living in war torn strife is challenging as you are grateful not to be in it yet saddened and guilt laden for having relative ease.

Food is a key part of everyone'slife, whether its live to eat or eat to live. Brigham has always had his own take on the reading / eating discussion and I thank him for the invitation

Food alone can not make peace. It is part of war, like everything else. We can break bread with our neighbors and kill them the next. Food is just an excuse - an opportunity to know your neighbors. When you share it  with others , it becomes something more.

In talking with kid guess the  mom-made foodscare our anchor. Cinammon rolls, salmonn, ribs, trifle, scones, and pancakes for a Saturday .   But they have to be at least similar to how mom makes them, or else they are just food. I wonder what a. Pioneer's take on the subject would be?

ReMake

Same story different movie

You've probablly seen a remade movie at one point in time. a movie that stays true to the basic script but is  fundamentally different because of a new producer and or director. the movie i have watched the most in my life was recently remade, and it is dramatically different.

New Director?

A person who supervises the creative aspects of a dramatic production or film and instructs the actors and crew.

They are chiefly on the hook for taking a screenplay and bringing it to life on the big screen.  A director determines the overall look of the film, sets its mood and tone, and instructs actors, actresses and members of the crew how to carry out the vision that's whirling around in that creative mind of his. 

Summary:

1.The movie director is the person who directs or guides on what the actors and actresses will be portraying in a movie while the movie producer is the one who makes the orders for creating the films.

2.A movie director is the one who envisages the script, managing a film’s creative and theatrical aspects while a movie producer starts, co-ordinates, manages and controls issues such as hiring key personnel, fund-raising, and arranging for film distributions.

3.The movie directors are the ones that do the imaginative visualization of what the completed movie will be while the movie producer is the one who carries out all the phases of film-making procedure from development to the completion of the project.

4.The movie directors don’t have the full control in a film while the movie producer is the one who has the general control of the whole project and considered to be the chief of staff as a particular movie is being made.

same scene in someone else’s movie where you’re in a supporting role? Anyone seeing these two take place at the same time would quickly realize that, while they are both about the same event, they each interpret the situations and emotions in entirely different ways. No two movies will ever be the same, because no two perspectives are ever identical.

And so my favorite , most frequently viewed film has under gone a transformation of emotion, tone, spirit, doctrine and overall effect. Not that the old one is/was bad; not that the new one is flawless and without room to improve. But the new is better for me. And has truly demonstrated the power of a new director - producer.

Traveler's gift - or another list of seven

The travelers gift

Andy Andrews

“The Traveler’s Gift effectively combines self-help with fiction . . . sustaining momentum while simultaneously passing on instructions for positive thinking . . . an exemplary job at providing positive suggestions for overcoming life’s obstacles.” - Publishers Weekly

Not the kind of book you read every month but an enjoyable quick  read . The starting premise of the struggling mid-aged male is too common of an entry point; but gratefully there is hope, inspiration, and a pathway to deliverance. Our hero takes a trip through time and visits several historic figures who bring him insights that if acted upon change the world. They are worth considering:

7 Decisions that Determine Personal Success

1. The buck stops here. President Truman. Forget the past and quit blaming it on yourself or someone. You are responsible from this day forward.

2. Seek wisdom. King Solomon. Be with wise people and those who are searching for truth. Not just those who are on a journey.

3. Be a person of action. Joshua Chamberlain-Civil War-20th Maine Division. Do something. Don't be paralyzed by fear. Make decisions.

4. Have a decided heart. Christopher Columbus. Decide to have passion about your vision for the future. Don't worry about what others say. Poor is the man who believes what people say about him. 

5. Choose to be happy. Anne Frank-Jew during WW2. It's a choice. Be grateful. Choose today to be happy. It's contagious.

6. Have a forgiving spirit. Abe Lincoln at Gettysburg. Forgiveness must be given away. Give up bitterness. Forgive yourself and those who did not ask for forgiveness. 

7. Persist without exception. Gabriel in the room of unanswered prayers. Keep going despite. Don't worry about the pain of the process, picture the end results. Persist, work hard, expect. Have faith....

Yeah, those are seven things worth doing.