The paradox of living in the world but not of the
world; of identifying, defining, committing to and living your core
values regardless of the strain is the focus of this effort by Brown.
The ‘strain’ is a yearning in people to belong and feel accepted
by a pool, group, or association of people that shelters us from
loneliness but has the risk of compromising being true to our self.
It is a common quest and renders the material accessible to the
reader.
“I like a tree
planted by the river, I shall not be moved”
Note there is difference between being alone and
loneliness. In the Book of Mormon, Nephi exemplifies while out
teaching Helaman 10:1 - “And it came to pass that there arose a
division among the people, insomuch that they divided hither and
thither and went their ways, leaving Nephi alone, as he was standing
in the midst of them.”
You’re only free when you realize you belong
no place – you belong every place- no place at all. The reward is
great - Maya Angelou.
True belonging only happens when we present our authentic
imperfect selves to the world, as such, our sense of belonging can
never be greater than our level of self acceptance. Once we belong
thoroughly to ourselves and believe thoroughly in ourselves true
belonging is ours (with a
willingness and ability to stand alone in our decisions, in our
beliefs,
despite our fear of criticism and rejection)
In
The
Quest for True Belonging
Brown
outlines gateway tools:
-
People are hard to hate close up - Move in
-
Speak truth to BS be Civil
-
Hold Hands with Strangers
-
Strong Back, Soft Front, and Wild Heart
Random thoughts:
Neutrality
helps the oppressor never the victim. Silence encourages the
tormentor
Civility
is about disagreeing without disrespect
The
only way to combat foreboding joy is gratitude . Seek out moments of
collected emotion
Show
up for moments of collective pain
And
stay with the pain
Despite
the need to brave the wilderness , we don’t always have to walk
alone
Joseph
Campbell wrote, “If you can see your path laid out in front of you
step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make
with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.”
Strong
back soft front (courage / vulnerability)
Can’t
always exhale need to inhale as well (take time to sharpen the saw,
to recuperate, to charge the battery - whatever axiom you’d like to
quote.)
True
belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you
to be who you are.”
Find
the courage to stand alone , to say what we believe and do what we
feel is right despite the criticism and fear
“Stop
walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t
belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your
mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re
not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your
goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t
negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are
lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart
against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here
more than you.”
All of us will spend our life constantly
strengthening our back, softening our front, and trying to listen to
the whispers of our wild heart. One can strengthen courage to stand
alone - strong back thru:
Boundaries
Reliability
Accountability
Vault -
Learning how to keep confidences, to recognize what’s ours to share
and what’s not. The challenge is to stop using gossip, common enemy
intimacy and over sharing as a way to hot wire connection
Integrity
Non judgment
Generosity
At times we ask the Lord to assist us in coping, fitting in and
standing alone. He’ll answer the prayer , however not always in the
manner we seek. eg. Jacobs wrestle with the Lord got the blessing AND
a permanent limp to remind him.
“Lying
is a defiance of the truth. Bullshitting is a wholesale dismissal of
the truth.”
This
has been of particular internet in South Florida; here we have
encounter those whom we describe as having ‘drunk the Coolidge”
Describing that person who relies on BS and propagates the same in
total disregard of facts, experience or relevant observation.
It
makes sense to me that we’re called to combat this spiritual crisis
of disconnection with one of our most valued spiritual possessions.
Bearing witness to the truth is rarely easy, especially when we’re
alone in the wilderness.
The book is topical for a number of reasons and
worth the effort to understand her thoughts. The one issue I have
with her writing style is she self quotes / cites discussions it
feels like a cross-sale. But that is not a significant hindrance is
getting her message. Its worth the time to read and ponder.
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