Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Kids

part of a blog is the shameless posting of one's kids.
And so when we gather I force them all to endure my photo taking
and so I post from this past extended weekend.






























Sunday, July 1, 2012

Incremental Honesty

David Brooks is a favorite of many in my family, as an editorialist and essayist. I do not follow him quite as closely as they, though when I do, I am frequently either delighted or provoked to thought, which I guess is the object of an author of his ilk. The following article was written nearly a month ago but i just crosssed its path this morning.

Many values have devolved into relativity in our modern world and honesty is one of them. I've always thought this question among the most provocative of the series:

8. Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?

Where exactly is the line of being totally honest or relatively honest?
How good of a person are we?
What does this mean - the good-hearted and easygoing moral climate of the age?
Read.
Ponder.
Comments welcomed.



June 7, 2012

The Moral Diet

In the 1970s, the gift shop at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts was an informal affair. It was staffed by about 300 mostly elderly volunteers, and there were cash drawers instead of registers. The problem was that of the shop’s $400,000 in annual revenue, somebody was stealing $150,000.
Dan Weiss, the gift shop manager at the time who is now the president of Lafayette College, investigated. He discovered that there wasn’t one big embezzler. Bunches of people were stealing. Dozens of elderly art lovers were each pilfering a little.
That’s one of the themes of Dan Ariely’s new book “The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty.” Nearly everybody cheats, but usually only a little. Ariely and his colleagues gave thousands of people 20 number problems. When they tackled the problems and handed in the answer sheet, people got an average of four correct responses. When they tackled the problems, shredded their answers sheets and self-reported the scores, they told the researches they got six correct responses. They cheated a little, but not a lot.
That’s because most of us think we are pretty wonderful. We can cheat a little and still keep that “good person” identity. Most people won’t cheat so much that it makes it harder to feel good about themselves.
Ariely, who is one of the most creative social scientists on the planet, invented other tests to illustrate this phenomenon. He put cans of Coke and plates with dollar bills in the kitchens of college dorms. People walked away with the Cokes, but not the dollar bills, which would have felt more like stealing.
He had one blind colleague and one sighted colleague take taxi rides. The drivers cheated the sighted colleague by taking long routes much more often than they cheated the blind one, even though she would have been easier to mislead. They would have felt guilty cheating a blind woman.
Ariely points out that we are driven by morality much more than standard economic models allow. But I was struck by what you might call the Good Person Construct and the moral calculus it implies. For the past several centuries, most Westerners would have identified themselves fundamentally as Depraved Sinners. In this construct, sin is something you fight like a recurring cancer — part of a daily battle against evil.
But these days, people are more likely to believe in their essential goodness. People who live by the Good Person Construct try to balance their virtuous self-image with their selfish desires. They try to manage the moral plusses and minuses and keep their overall record in positive territory. In this construct, moral life is more like dieting: I give myself permission to have a few cookies because I had salads for lunch and dinner. I give myself permission to cheat a little because, when I look at my overall life, I see that I’m still a good person.
The Good Person isn’t shooting for perfection any more than most dieters are following their diet 100 percent. It’s enough to be workably suboptimal, a tolerant, harmless sinner and a generally good guy.
Obviously, though, there’s a measurement problem. You can buy a weight scale to get an objective measure of your diet. But you can’t buy a scale of virtues to put on the bathroom floor. And given our awesome capacities for rationalization and self-deception, most of us are going to measure ourselves leniently: I was honest with that blind passenger because I’m a wonderful person. I cheated the sighted one because she probably has too much money anyway.
The key job in the Good Person Construct is to manage your rationalizations and self-deceptions to keep them from getting egregious. Ariely suggests you reset your moral gauge from time to time. Your moral standards will gradually slip as you become more and more comfortable with your own rationalizations. So step back. Break your patterns and begin anew. This is what Yom Kippur and confessionals are for.
Next time you feel tempted by something, recite the Ten Commandments. A small triggering nudge at the moment of temptation, Ariely argues, is more effective than an epic sermon meant to permanently transform your whole soul.
I’d add that you really shouldn’t shoot for goodness, which is so vague and forgiving. You should shoot for rectitude. We’re mostly unqualified to judge our own moral performances, so attach yourself to some exterior or social standards.
Ariely is doing social science experiments and trying to measure behavior. But I thought his book was an outstanding encapsulation of the good-hearted and easygoing moral climate of the age. A final thought occurred to me. As we go about doing our Good Person moral calculations, it might be worth asking: Is this good enough? Is this life of minor transgressions refreshingly realistic, given our natures, or is it settling for mediocrity?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Caleb Crossing

Jane Smiley describes it thus: " Caleb’s Crossing” could not be more enlightening and involving. Beautifully written from beginning to end, it reconfirms Geraldine Brooks’s reputation as one of our most supple and insightful writers"


 Geraldine Brooks’s “Caleb’s Crossing", is a compelling read of historical fiction— no kings, no famous events — but a story that feels familiar being set in Marta's Vineyard in the late 1600's - then at Harvard- a pilgrims' progress but freshingly current.. A must read for Brad and Jared for sake of context.

 I enjoyed the pilgrim setting, the issues of race, gender, class, and religion that seem historic and topical. Its interesting to watch the narrator, Bethia, find her voice - but did she in fact lose or find her sole - you be the judge. Not a joyful read but a good read, causing me to reflect again on judging others and placing artificial limits?

 And the deeper questions , also germane to our time, the power and cost of knowledge, and it's necessity.


 Extra pleasure given its downloadable for free from the library.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Birthday

It's great fun to live close enough to family so you can truly celebrate a birthday. Nothing fancy but some great cobbler, great weather, great visits.

 And a first drop in by Lauren and Payton.

 A Happy Birthday Indeed



Friday, June 22, 2012

Naper Nights Concerts




Historically I have written of the Summer Band Concerts in Central Park that are like going to Nikomis for an evening concert. We walk 4 blocks east to a cozy park and listen to the Naperville City Band play every Thursday throughout the summer. This year we have branched out about 4 blocks south just across the river to naper settlement for another type of outdoor concert. Naper NightsThis one a bit more raucous as this Friday night they hosted - American English, a Beatles tribute band.


Its great to live soo close to soo much. And free to boot.



Sunday, June 10, 2012

Twitter and the sabbath


Do you twitter?

Do you know the basics?

Should we all be that connected? that present?

Is having a prayer in your heart at all times a form of twittering?
As one thinks of twittering and its ideal scenario – rapid response to a question from an ever present shared audience – is it too extreme of a jump to consider having a prayer in your heart continually an advanced form of twittering? The ideas share the same core common components?
You have a question
You want input
You bounce the question off of trusted advisory opinions
You hopefully get a response
You do it again

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Brothers

Rindy has two great brothers - Larry and John. Larry visited us awhile back and then Brigham and I visited him a few weeks back. This visit its John coming here, stopping over on his way to a business convention. Not only are Rindy's brother great friends they are incredible workers. If you know Rindy at all, you know she loves a project - one that takes some thinking and some doing. Near  the top of her list are house projects that improve our living space. It makes a formidable combination to have Rindy and one of her brothers focused on a project. Mackey's bathroom is getting a face-lift - thanks to John and Rindy.

John & Rindy walking the river walk

tearing up things



Sisters

One thing that is constant is the constant moving in and moving out of people in a Ward. We are fortunate to be in a wonderful Ward, with more than our fair share of people with whom we relate and connect. A few of the sisters gathered to bid farewell to Kristina and Shari as they move on.











Thursday, June 7, 2012

Great Savings

(a forgotten draft now published)
So Jen's photo of great savings inspired me, in theory and in practice.
I thought people would appreciate a listing of saving bloggs and sites to hunt down the latest and greatest. No endorsements of any but plenty of choices:

(someone teach me how to post a chart)


Cents to Save
FatWallet.com
Mom All Day
GeekMommy's Web Life
Consumer Queen
Dealighted.com
Nickels and Dimes
Mom Advice
Couponing 101
DealDigs.com
That’s Just Nifty Thrifty
The Sensible Sawyer
Daily Dose of Freebies
DealNews.com
Budget Savvy
Freebies for Mom
Frugal Freelancer
Spoofee.com
Frugal favorites
Coupon Dad
Savvy Saving Momma
RetailMeNot.com
The Budget Diva
Free 2 Be Frugal
So Cal Saver
OinkDeal.com
The Budget Babe
Be Cents Able
CouponCabin.com
CheapJoint.com
Boston Moms
Affluent Pauper
Slick Deals
CoolSavings.com
CouponDivas
Domestic Diva
Coupon Mom
MommySavers.com
DivineCaroline
5 minutes from mom
Savvy Sugar
Deal-Crazy.com
The Recessionista
A Dollar Here A Dollar There
Savvy Mommy
DealsPlus.com
Thrift Connection
KeepCash.com
My Deals Blog
UberBargain.com
Frugal Dad
CouponChief.com
DealCatcher.com
TalesoftheTightwad.com
Not Made of Money
DealsofAmerica.com
Bargainist.com
Blunt Money
AoDeal.com
SmartDeals.com
DealHack
Money Smart Life
BargainShare.com
GottaDeal.com
Best Deal Coupon
Mighty Bargain Hunter
BestDeal.com
DealSea.com
FreebieReporter
Frugal for Life Blog
BigBigSavings.com
CouponMountain
BensBargains.net
Coupon Queen
CheapStingyBargains.com
DealComet.com
DealzConnection
Frugal Mommy of 2 Girls
AntiRebate.com
DealHunting.com
CleverMoms.com
Money Saving Mom
BradsDeals.com
Dealigg.com
DealDetectives
The Thrifty Mama
Deals2Buy.com
DealinStyle.com
CurrentCodes.com
Womanly Excellence
DealUnion.com
DealNews.com
WowCoupons
Coupon Geek
DailyZort.com
DealofUS.com
ILuvDeals.com
Operation Thrifty Mama
Direct2Deal.com
DealRow.com
DealsOpolis.com
ShoppingBulletin
Common Sense with Money
DealCoupon.com
DealsOUtlook.com
Dealitem.com
Deal Seeking Mom
DealOne.com
Dealspl.us
GunnsDeal.com
Pinching Your Pennies
eDealInfo.com
DealTake.com
CrazyCoolDealz.com
Frugalous
CrazyTownDeals.com
RedPlum
a2zDeals.com
BeingFrugal.com
AmericanDeals.com Office Deals
DailyeDeals
BargainJack.com
Coupon Cravings
eLiveDeals.com

Monday, June 4, 2012

Our Song

I've never really been into the musical concept of "our song".
You know the one that calls out and identifies the quintessential song that encapsulates a relationship. Usually identified early in a relationship as a defining moment when the two of you knew you were destined to be one. It's tender, it's romantic, it's not me.

I, on the other hand, when I hear a great love song always link it to me and Rindy.
They all become "our song" because when I hear one or any of them I think of us.

 So whether it's a classic early on knowing each other Rick Ashley - never going to give you up

 Or thinking of just the two of us


Or more recently thinking of a theme song for the bog something based in being home is wherever I am with you


These and others all bring me to Rindy.
Cause I guess I love her in so many ways that many a song capture the story behind our love, and the  journey we travel together 
So when I think of OUR SONG - I think of Rindy



as a footnote just had to add this to our song list - moving into eternity